I’m Scared

I’ve been nurturing my new business for about a year now. I was just slowly working toward and on developing this site and the course as it seemed appropriate, as inspiration came to me. The concept is probably even a bit older than that, but the actual work is around twelve months. That’s about the gestation period for an alpaca or a zebra! I guess I’ve got it covered A to Z.

Initially I was just going to let it happen as it did. The website would get created, by me or a website guy. Blog entries would get written and stored for later use. The course lessons would develop and improve with thought and writing. Then I’d video record them so I could touch on all the learning modes. Graphics, logos, designs — all that would come into existence when the time was right and the inspiration there. It was a slow and peaceful progress, and the anticipation filled me with joy.

Then I decided to become a Certified High Performance Coach to augment the offerings of the new business. Now a whole new perspective about the time frame was introduced and I went into overdrive to move forward with getting the site and the course ready for Show Time! My enthusiasm grew even more, and things really kicked into gear. Sorta.

My great idea was to get my website up and running enough I could send friends and family through a beta test for me before I attended the coaching training, thinking that I’d have a better understanding for the material being presented. To get that done I figured I’d need someone to help me with getting the site up, edit my course text, and create some graphics, all while I was creating the content (text and video) for the course and the site. That would be much faster than if I did it all myself.

Life has a way of testing you. All the people I hired to help me create the new business disappeared for bits of time, contributing to me missing my beta-launch date. My computer guy was a saint with his patience. His work was held up when my work was held up. He finally had to hand the finished project to me without having videos because I still hadn’t recorded them.

I still haven’t, and the site has been “mine” for several weeks now.

The course text was completed, edited, and loaded to the site, but I just couldn’t quite get to recording. And when I did things went wrong. Oh, my excuses are endless!

I’d record for a long period of time and the microphone wouldn’t have been on, so the video was useless. The person I’d hired to run the camera kept calling in sick or had to go to the other job instead. I had so carefully crafted the words that I didn’t want to totally talk off the cuff, but I couldn’t seem to memorize the script. I studied Jim Kwik’s memory and mind-mapping course material thinking that would help me get my story right so I could record. I felt I’d do better if there was a friendly face behind the camera. That worked well on the short recordings, but not on the long lessons.

The bottom line is that I was scared. I was scared I wouldn’t do a good enough job. I was scared I’d look ridiculous. I was scared I’d not look natural if I read my script. I was scared of exposing my real self and thoughts. It’s one thing, in my imagination, for you to read my words, and another for you to hear them. I was scared of failing on many fronts. That realization was eye opening, educational even.

Reaching that understanding has helped me accept that I won’t be perfect in my delivery of the course content. I better understand I’ll grow in my comfort with sharing via videos and that I am where I am and that’s good. An adequate video is better than no video at all, and I can go back at some point and re-record the course videos. Even the Welcome and Thank You videos can be re-recorded.

So, the course recordings will start, without a friendly face behind the camera. I have a technique I’m pleased with and think will allow me to generate the videos (and audios) for the full course quickly. I’ve simplified my process.

Since this site is about living in focused energy I felt this was an important path to share. Life isn’t always a smooth path. There are various emotions and experiences that interrupt and challenge us. The lesson for me was that I didn’t have to be perfect here. Amusingly, at least to me, I was given that pointer before I learned that lesson from an animated movie I saw at the drive in the other night. “Inside Out” is a clever idea that helped me recognize that I can’t be the cheerleader and always joyful. Part of coaching people is to address all the emotions in life and how they all play a role in making for a better life.

Living in focused energy is a path, not a destination. Empowering yourself through mindful balance means embracing all that goes on in your life, not just the joy I’m on that path with you, not sitting in a director’s chair telling you how it’s done. I’m living and growing right along side you, and having my reactions to the challenges I face in my life as I learn to get more focused, balanced, and productive. I’ve got the joy! Onward with the focus and balance.

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