Exploring What Happened To The Elders

When cords are struck with articles I’ve written I’m happy for comments. With the article “What Happened To The Elders”, a symphony of cords was struck, leading to an uplifting and challenging conversation with one of my readers. You are the lucky recipient of that email conversation.

Here you get to read over my shoulder to follow that (email) conversation. Let me introduce you to Opal. The name is changed to reflect her personality — fiery and brightly colored, shimmering in her own light. She emailed me her reactions to this article and then stayed with me until we thought we’d chewed on all it had to offer her. After getting to know her during this conversation, I suspect there’s more to come from her, but we’ll start here for now.

Opal:
I really liked the article but it is a subject close to my heart. You really got me thinking so here goes my thoughts!!! Hope you are ready. LOL!

Kit:
I’m sitting down. I”m ready.

Opal:
First, let me comment on the format. I like the flow. When I first read, I wondered if the section on Chip [Conley] and Modern Elder Academy (MEA) etc., should have come first. But, I quickly realized no. You have used the first part to start introducing the issue and other thoughts/questions on the subject. You mention excellent issues that could actually become future articles.

Kit:
Bingo. Not only that, but I want Chip to be a resource, not the focus. I want people to look to me as the expert collating wonderful resources. Chip has his tribe. I want to develop mine.

Opal:
I really like the “Subtleties” section and think that is a foundation for another article.

Kit:
Thanks for the support and nudge!

Opal:
Ok, so I have mentioned additional articles. I think you should continue developing this issue around Elders over the next few to several articles. It is a huge topic and very important. So, with that in mind, here are some random thoughts! LOL!

Kit:
No surprise, we are thinking along the same track. Lay your random thoughts on me.

Opal:
Marianne Kilkenny with Women Living in Community Network is posting about this subject this week too. She is asking the question: What would you like to be called? She lists several possibilities such as Boomer, elderly, senior, crone, Elder, or Modern Elder. I realized when I was reading her list I cringed at all but two. However, I did not really like Elder. I do like Modern Elder. I felt that Elder has so many connotations but none really define what works for this day and age. So, I of course voted for Modern Elder. I really got to thinking that the “old form” of Elder simply does not exist anymore and not sure it can exist in today’s world. But, Modern Elder offers the opportunity to modify individual needs, skills, and desires.

Kit:
Yes! This does sound like a great article idea. Noted. Maybe even the next article.

Opal:
The Chip section is strong and creates the foundation for future articles. You could introduce other authors.

Kit:
Excellent point. I’ll have to go through my list of books to see who I’d like to introduce. Besides Richard Rohr, I’ll have to remember who I’ve read in this field. I welcome suggestions you may have — oh, and articles may be a good source of reference too.

Opal:
These are really Rambling thoughts — The word “authority” in the definition of Elder really does not hold up in today’s society. It did in the past. But, today’s younger generations are not looking to authority. The role of authority as teachers, ministers/priests, etc. always included the requirement that the authority figure is all-knowing. And, I don’t care what age you are, that just is not true.

Kit:
Hm. While I don’t agree the concept of elder as an authority doesn’t/can’t hold up today, I think it should. And here’s where you got me to thinking…the term authority probably has morphed into something different. I was referring to the ancient form of authority, not the under-your-thumb sort of authority we too often see today. Ok, another article.

Opal:
A young child, if encouraged to speak, often has words of wisdom beyond their years. Young children even today are still taught that their teachers are all knowing. Can you tell I always encouraged my son from the very beginning to speak his truth with respect? And, he did. Then, I would get a call and often have to open the mind of a teacher with a new perspective. [Details/examples removed for privacy.] Thank god it always happened.

Kit:
Wonderful! Your use of “respect” comes into play somehow in this conversation of what authority means. I’m happy he doesn’t think that people in authority seats have to be cowed to, that they can be challenged. But the fact they are in those seats does give credence to their words. Now I’ll contradict myself; the Peter Principle is alive and well and not everyone in an authority seat is an authority — they only have the seat. So, teaching our youth — and ourselves — to think about who is in the seat and the validity of their words is vital. You did that well with your son. Congrats!

Opal:
And, with that, always comes the need for Conversation. You touched on this when you listed self-aware; fair; courageous; adaptable; curious; collaborative; humble. And those are articles too! LOL!

Not everything is on Google which is one of the excellent points you are making. A stand-alone article could center on the life-changing experiences of Conversation and the emotional bonds that are often created in rare moments of casual conversation.

Kit:
Which has a huge significance of the need for multi-generational living.

Opal:
Don’t you know it! I am seeing more people discussing that. Bill Thomas is doing a Baja session with Chip at the Baja MEA Campus this winter — he’s a gerontologist, the one who proposed senior homes adopt the program of giving residents a plant to take care of. One plant can be expanded into more as the resident grows into their new purpose. He’s an example of a reference I can bring in. Beautiful!

Kit:
He was a man before his time. I love hearing about that! He nailed that need to feel relevant, to have something to do, something to care for.

Opal:
And, one last thought on your closing summary. I am not sure I would challenge the reader to “value” elders.

Kit:
Why is that?

Opal:
What was going on in my head was wondering what age group you are talking to. Someone in their 40s? Or, if an elder reading this wanted to share it with their child, would that child be turned away? I’d want to talk to 40-somethings about what it’s like to be an older person. What’s their future going to look like? This article is planting a seed for younger people for what they are moving into. I think you need to soften the words so that you don’t lose those 40-somethings who are reading this.

The problem is two-fold. Elders often don’t see themselves in a positive way, and neither do many younger people. Nobody wants to see they are part of the problem. How can you reach younger people to help them see the value of older people before they reach mid-life or older?

When people live in multi-generational communities, they have a different understanding of older and younger people. You can’t assume everyone reading this has that awareness. We’ve become such an age-segregated society we’ve lost touch with other people and their thoughts and beliefs.

Young people are unaware it’s an issue. They have so much going on in their lives that they might be clueless about what their parents are going through. They are living their lives and maybe struggling with COVID and its impacts.

Kit:
Hm. I haven’t talked with 40-somethings about this subject so don’t know how they’d react to this article, or to the challenge to respect their elders. I hope I’m lucky to learn.

Your multi-generational community is one of my passions and dreams to create. I want to live in a multi-generational community when I don’t want this house and land to care for any longer. I don’t want to be segregated by age — or by anything. I like diversity.

Opal:
But, I think your purpose is definitely about re-educating elders and challenging them to get involved. I think the subject can be of benefit to your younger generations (clients) because they might look at the value of employing an elder.

Kit:
That feels like a subject outside my wheelhouse but does touch on my idea of valuing elders. They do make great employees, something you don”t see until you value them. More interesting food for thought.

Opal:
You have really started something that I think is going to evolve very nicely in your practice. Thanks for letting me share and support you.

Kit:
Thank you for sharing your thoughts and challenging me. I’m looking to further communications with you.