Be part of the solution, not part of the problem. That’s a paraphrase of Eldridge Clever’s quote, “…You either have to be part of the solution, or you’re going to be part of the problem.”
It’s intriguing to watch brainstorming sessions because they too often feel more like racquetball sessions with the presented ideas being treated like balls to smash out of reach. Isn’t the rule of brainstorming to throw all ideas that arise onto the table and see what comes out of the accumulation of good and bad ideas? If that’s the case, then the word “no” isn’t allowed in the session.
“But” is like “no”: it negates everything that came before. For example, “That’s a great idea, but….”; in other words, it’s not such a great idea. Do you ever get that? Do you ever say that?
Or, to further illustrate the point, when an assignment is to come up with several options for the magazine cover color you might hear, “Person A: Let’s make the magazine cover green. Person B: No, blue would be much better.”; in other words, your idea isn’t as good as mine. Is that something you do in brainstorming sessions? Do witness others doing that?
What’s your reaction when you receive those messages? Stopped or blocked?
How do you feel when you send those messages? Obstructive or inhibiting?
Now, people probably don’t mean to be negative or superior. Most likely they aren’t thinking about their communication style. However, those communication styles I just shared stop energy, at best, and drain or suck it at worst. That’s not helpful to anyone.
That stopped energy impacts the receiver and sender of the message. How does that help the communication? How does that help the relationship? It doesn’t. It takes energy to communicate and to build relationships. “No” energy isn’t what is needed.
Let’s replay those two imaginary (and probably too real) conversations. “That’s a great idea, and I think I can add to it….” and “Person A: Let’s make the magazine cover green. Person B: I like blue as another possibility.” Do those conversations feel different to you?
With those twists, what’s your reaction when you receive those messages? Part of a positive relationship?
And, how do you feel when you send those messages? Part of the solution?
It’s up to each one of us to take responsibility for our reactions to others’ communications. Hearing “but” and “no” to your ideas and suggestions doesn’t have to be taken as a put down or insult. Those words don’t have to stop communication, or drain your energy. You can rise above that problem and continue being part of the solution.
You’ll undoubtedly feel as if you are in a more productive brainstorming session and a more positive relationship, though, if “but” and “no” aren’t used. If that’s part of your pattern, now’s a good time to change that habit.
Be part of the solution. Be an active participant in a positive relationship. Avoid “No Energy”.