This thought got me to thinking: If you are thinking something that doesn’t feel good — it’s not true. I alternated between thinking it was a brilliant observation to thinking it was missing some situations that contradicted the conclusion.
I came up with the idea there are three sources of negative thoughts: Internal, External, and Reflected. To follow my line of thinking, the Internally sourced negative thoughts are things you’ve concluded about yourself, made up to help you understand things you are seeing in the world. External sources spring from your mental, emotional, physical, and spiritual bodies and come from observing yourself and the conclusions you reach from those observations. Reflected sources (especially of negative thoughts) are reactions to others’ behaviors/beliefs and often result in conversation or action on you part that puts others down or to confirm you are right.
When your language contains definitive words like never/always and nobody/everybody anything/everything — and even should — you can anticipate the ensuing thought will tend to contain a lie. That kind of language is bad for your mind and soul and is destructive to your peace of mind. When you find yourself being negative, think of that as dancing with ANTs (automatic negative thoughts) and realize it’s time to reach for the RAID.
RAID is the acronym for my framework on over coming the habit and pattern of negative thinking.
Reframe. Alternate Solution. Inquire. Decide to be Positive.
An example of Reframe could be to turn the thought “I never succeed at anything” around by thinking of things you have succeeded at, no matter how seemingly trivial. If you got up this morning, got dressed, or even smiled those are successes and deserve to be recognized.
Finding an Alternate Solution would like like turning the thought “I’m not smart enough to do this” into “Where could I look for an answer or help that will allow me to do this”.
Inquire helps you put yourself into the other person’s shoes. “They should know better” becomes “I wonder why they did it that way”. We all have such different backgrounds and experiences that to judge another before you know them is unfair to everyone — especially yourself.
Decide to be Positive helps you face the negative thought head on. Like, “I don’t deserve…” could be rephrased to “Yes, I do deserve…”. Negative thoughts have ramifications beyond the obvious and immediate downer. Negative thoughts are poison in your system and will do untold damage if they go unchecked.
As a bumper sticker I once saw reminded me, “Don’t believing everything you think”. When you find yourself crowing “That’s how I’d do it, too” that really means another person thinks/behave as you do, and that’s not the same as being right. Sure, appreciate the similarity, but be careful to not think that makes you right.
The ANTs you dance with are lies, punishment, confinement, and reflection both of your insecurities and puffery (self aggrandizement). Do you want that kind of dance partner? Don’t you deserve better?
When you find yours thoughts dwelling in Internal, External, or Reflection sources and stirring up ANTs, it’s time to stop, take a deep breath, and reach for the RAID. Reframe, Alternate Solution, Inquire, and Decide to be Positive.
Negative thinking holds you back and brings you down. You don’t need that kind of punishment! If you’re going to go to the effort of creating a life, why not make it positive and productive. Learn my framework for dealing with your ANTs.