Rewire Your Brain

Synapses that fire together wire together. That’s a powerful statement that is going to make a big difference in your life. Watch as I spin two seemingly contradictory concepts – gratitude and complaining — together for you to use in your focused and energetic life using that statement.

Your thoughts wire your brain. That wiring is like a rut for your brain and thoughts. When you repeat a thought over and over you groove that rut deeper and stronger, so eventually, that’s your default thought pattern. Repeatedly thinking bad thoughts is one kind of wiring. When your brain is firing off these synapses of anger, for example, you’re weakening your immune system; you’re raising your blood pressure, increasing your risk of heart disease, obesity and diabetes, and a plethora of other ailments. When you repeatedly think good thoughts that’s another kind of wiring.  When your brain is firing off these synapses of love, for example, you’re building your immune system; you’re lowering your blood pressure, illness, and depression rates; improving your sleep and compassion; and enhancing your positive outlook on life. The first wiring is unhealthy for you. The second wiring is healthy for you. Sadly, too many people don’t do enough of the second and do too much of the first. Time to change that.

Let’s be Grateful:

Gratitude is a practice that helps you see all the good in your life. It’s a way of turning lemons into lemonade. It’s a way of pulling aside the dark drapes of your gloom to see all the wonders in your life, the rays of sunshine. You may not be a gloomy person, only seeing the dark side of things, but you also may not be as happy as you could be — and deserve to be.

Maybe you think that’s a Pollyanna way to live. I assure you it’s not. Practicing gratitude is a healthy way to live. Studies over the past few decades have clearly shown that the people who practice gratitude: report more optimism, joy, and happiness; have stronger relationships; are more generous; and fewer symptoms of illness and depression. Positive feelings reduce cortisol, the stress hormone which has a plethora of negative effects on you.

Consider that by having more happiness in your life you’ll not only be healthier, but also be more focused and productive, and better manage your ADD/ADHD (or ADD-like symptoms).

You’ll only know if it works by testing it yourself. Start your own practice. Commit to your gratitude practice for a week and see how things change for you. You’ll have a better before and after comparison the longer you can go; start with a week for the trial.

Start your morning by expressing three things you are thankful for as you put your feet on the floor.

1. Keep a gratitude journal. Write ten things you are grateful for during the day. Write in your calendar, on a white board, in your Ideas Book (a book you carry with you all the time to record idea you’ve had), or even on a sticky note you post at your desk.
2. Go social with your gratitude. You’ve seen some people post on Facebook a daily thanks during November? You could do the same thing during your Gratitude Challenge Month, except you’ll post ten things each day (say, at the end of the day) that you are thankful for. You could Tweet/Instagram/Snapchat/Text your gratitude — you know the world can use more gratitude. Express your gratitude to the people in your life.
3. Make your gratitude more old fashioned in the way you communicate through the distance. Send three gratitude notes each day — snail mail, through the mail with a card, hand-written note, and stamp. Call three people daily who you want to express appreciation and joy to. Or face-to-face: tell someone, as you look in their eyes, what you appreciate about them.
4. Journal each evening, as you go to bed, the wonders of your day.

What About Complaining:

An associate of mine, Scott, is making a business of spreading gratitude daily, teaching others the value of that in their lives and businesses. He’s making a difference far and wide. You can too, even if it’s not your business model.

Scott announced he was challenging himself to a 24-hour complaint-free day. Here’s a man who practices gratitude, and he realized that complaining is insidious and counter to his gratitude practice. He doesn’t want to be a complainer so he set out to change that mindset. That brought my mind up short. I’d not thought about that. You probably haven’t either.

This intrigued me. People with ADD can struggle with negative thoughts and emotions more than others. If you are going to get that ADD/ADHD brain under control — or better managed — retraining that negative thought pattern is a good idea. Further, complaining creates a negative attitude that in turn creates stress which creates cortisol, the stress hormone. There are over a dozen negative effects caused by high cortisol levels.

So, challenge accepted! Time for me to go complaint-free. Here’s how I approached it. I…:

1. decided to not complain, for a week.
2. accepted that my brain is accustomed to complaining — about big and little things.
3. allowed that when a complaint came into my brain I’d stop, and think of the positive around that thing my brain was chewing on, or took action to erase issue.
4. entered a “tick mark” in my Gratitude Journal for each complaint my brain started.

By the end of the week – – – – My complaints dropped from 8 the first half day to 0 the last half day. The complaints dropped steadily, though they spiked on the day I was physically exhausted and had 6 complaints before I even got up! Overall I felt much lighter and more empowered. I noticed that when a complaint started forming that instead of letting it form completely it morphed into a solution or solution discovery mode, or it turned to empathy and compassion. Either way, I felt it was a winning challenge. I’m extending it to a month now.

Tim Ferris accepted a stop-complaining challenge. The rules of his challenge were that every time he complained he had to switch the “stop complaining bracelet” to the other wrist and his count re-started. It took him 3 months to get to the point he could go 21 days without complaining. He essentially noticed the same things I did about becoming more proactive in problem-solving.

In my experience, keeping a Gratitude Journal and tracking my complaints, I have become more gratitude-ful and complaint-free. If you’re like me, you’ll find that you like being with yourself more, as will others, when your heart and mind are positive, kind, and compassionate. You’ll have a softer style that will be pleasant for all concerned as well.

Here’s an interesting observation for you. Dr. John Gottman, of the University of Washington, has been researching marriages for two decades. His conclusion is that unless a couple is able to maintain a high ratio of positive to negative encounters (5:1 or greater), it is likely the marriage will end. Let’s expand that to relationships in general. For every negative expression you offer (a frown, put-down, complaint, or indication of anger) there needs to be at least five positive ones (compliments, smiles, laughter, or utterances of appreciation and gratitude). By practicing gratitude and not complaining, you increase your positive:negative encounter ratio.

Complaining rewires your brain for negative thought grooves and increases cortisol. Expressing gratitude rewires your brain for both positive thought grooves and decreases cortisol. Doesn’t it hold to reason that not complaining both creates positive grooves and decreases cortisol, as expressing gratitude does? Extending that thought another step, doesn’t it make sense then that not complaining is a healthier approach to life? Seems reasonable to me!

Let’s pull this all together into a 2-part challenge. You ready? The first part of the challenge is one week long. Track your gratitudes and complaints, turning complaints into positive thoughts as they come up. Write at least ten gratitudes in your tracking device each day. Tick each complaint. Watch the ease of gratitude recording increase and the number of complaint ticks decrease. The second part of the challenge is to extend the one week into one month.

Challenge accepted?