Jean Luc Picard — the Captain of the USS Enterprise in Star Trek: The Next Generation — had some great phrases that I love as guiding lights for our lives. “Tea. Earl Grey. Hot.” is one. “Make it so.” is another. My favorite, “Engage.”, has such diverse uses, all to me seem positive and action oriented. Key point.
Several years ago, I fell into a funk. I could go days without leaving my home office. I loved my “cave” and was content to be there soaking up majestic mountain views, kitty kisses, and sweet solitude. The funk slowly encompassed everything about me — my heart, my mind, and my body. The first I became aware of how bad it had gotten was the day, about twelve days into a push-up challenge I’d joined with a friend, I couldn’t do a single push up, much less the dozen I’d done the day before. It was as if my body had quit me.
Fortunately, I had enough of my mind still working that I realized I was in a funk, aka depressed, and had to get out and do something about it. Intuitively, I joined “coffee church” that Sunday. Coffee church is a collection of friends who meet at the local coffee shop each Sunday morning (there are two services, if you wonder about the popularity of this tradition) to discuss and solve the problems of the world. As my depression started to melt away I realized how important it was for me to be among people, to engage with others’ energy and ideas, and to get out into the fresh air and sunshine. No longer do days go by that I stay hidden in my cave.
In fact, when I moved my office from our house to our office-house I decided I don’t live in a cave anymore. I now live on Twig Island. <begin side trip> The office-house is called the Twig because it’s too small to be a branch office. The Twig is on an acre of land delineated by the circle drive and the lane it’s on. My hourly break often involves a walk around Twig Island, about a quarter mile (unless I extend it by walking further up or down the lane). Twig Island is just as much a news-free zone as the cave was, but it’s lighter and brighter. <end side trip> The more frequent outdoor adventures help keep my soul nourished. Key point.
When my husband and I decided to move from Boulder to our forty acres outside Ridgway, my parents were horrified for me. They knew me as a gregarious person and worried I’d not have people to interact with, bringing my spirit down. Their edginess was quickly put aside when they heard all the things we were doing with our many new friends. We did even more service work than we did in Boulder, we socialized with neighbors even more than we did in Boulder, and we made friends in town even more readily than we did in Boulder. Yep, the move was good for us. Yep, my gregarious nature was nurtured even more than it had been and than my folks had anticipated. My husband isn’t as gregarious and his nature was nurtured by all the human connection we gained in our new situation. Key point.
I’d accidentally pieced several valuable elements together to make my life a better one, one of a healthier emotional state, one of a healthier physical state, and one of a healthier mental state. Engagement matters. And I didn’t even recognize what I’d done until I started learning about ADD/ADHD.
Research and experience show that human connection matters to your better life. More specifically, that human connection helps the person with ADD thrive because it helps boost dopamine production. Dopamine is the neurotransmitter associated with pleasure and with improved learning, motivation, and focus.
This is a good time to point out that electronic connections don’t count toward human connection. I won’t argue that it doesn’t help you keep tabs on people you do and don’t know — and that feels good — and can be helpful. It doesn’t replace, however, the mingling and interactions necessary for increased dopamine production. “Human” is the important element in this concept. I didn’t say electronic connection matters, though it does increase dopamine production, as do alcohol and drugs. That’s not engagement, that’s isolating and numbing. You want the full benefit here of a balanced dopamine production, of a healthy and balanced life. That requires human — as in live people — interaction and connection.
One caveat to present here: not all human connection is healthy. I’m talking about connecting with humans who appreciate you for who you are — quirks and all, humans who you laugh with and who make you feel good. When you find a person or group you are/have been connecting with makes you feel bad and detracts from your life, it’s time to move away from that person or group to those who lift your spirits and challenge you to a better life.
Let me collect the “Key points” from this article: action; frequent outdoors; human connection. Put that triad together and you have a solid foundation for a fabulous life. With that foundation you can be a high performer, accomplishing all the things you set out to accomplish. With that foundation you can be happy, maintaining a healthy perspective on your life. With that foundation you can be healthy, wealthy, and wise. Yay!!
Whether you have ADD/ADHD or not, human connection matters. You’ll experience a more fulfilling and meaningful life when you spend time outdoors, when you are active, and when you are connected to humans who matter.
Engage!