You have wants and needs, and ideally you have dreams. You can take care of most of those for yourself, at least most of the time. What do you do when you feel the need for support in attaining something? How do you get others to support your dreams? How do you get support in satisfying your wants and needs?
This isn’t a matter of courage that I’m asking about. The question is more about knowing what you want to ask for. And then it’s knowing how to persuade others to support you. Persuasion is a powerful skill for getting what you want and need in life, and in being a high performer, and is associated with your ability to influence others.
Humans are social beings and generally thrive in communities. You get more done together than alone. It’s easy to forget that, though, as you go through life doing your thing. That’s why it’s important to recognize the value of asking for support, first identifying exactly what you want, and then knowing how to ask for that support.
Asking for support is part of being a community member. Asking for support is more than asking for a favor or for help, though persuasion and influence might come in handy in those situations, too.
Have you thought about the difference between persuasion and influence? They are different from each other, and yet they can work together for you to create the life you want as well as to impact the lives of others. It’s important to realize that as you create your life, you are impacting others’ lives. It’s a beautiful synergy.
For years my definition of influence has been that it’s the result of walking your talk, almost an accidental consequence of being you. Through my personal coaching I’ve recently come to realize it’s a bit more than that, and not necessarily an accidental consequence.
The subtle undertone of my long-time definition is that influence is something that is developed over time. The extra aspect of the definition that I hadn’t understood until recently is that some influence is intentional and explicitly expressed.
Influence is different from persuasion in that persuasion is directed action. And, with persuasion, the other person’s needs are very much considered. To be effective and successful, the intention of the persuasion needs to be relevant and personal to the person you are directing your efforts to — or, in this case, the person you are seeking support from. There needs to be a “What’s in it for me?” answer for the person you are interacting with.
You use influence and persuasion to get support for your dreams, as well as for your wants and needs, by talking about your goals or dreams and showing how they interact with your life. That’s the influence aspect. The persuasion aspect kicks in by addressing how your dreams are relevant to the people you are asking support from and show how it can impact their lives.
To connect with the impact your goals and dreams will have on their life, and thus why you’d love to have their support, you need to relate with them on a few different levels. First, share your appreciation for where they are in life and all they have done and accomplished. Second, paint a vivid picture of the internal and external rewards they’ll get by supporting you in your quest. Third, tap into their emotions by using your own emotions and sharing stories of how this has both mutual benefit for now and in the future. You’ll have more success getting support when you know what you want, when you have influence, and when you pay attention to the other person’s situation in relation to your request.
Being present and intentional is one key to success here. By being present, you’ll better understand what it is you want. By being present and intentional, you will live a life that influences others. And by being present and intentional, you’ll also understand others’ needs so you can be sensitive to their circumstance and take that into regard as you seek the support you want.