Have you noticed the plethora of articles lately about life:work balance and that there is no such thing? Some argue that they can’t be balanced, others that it’s not a balancing act but a choice, and yet others that it’s life balance. After extensive conversations with people who are in the high-performance arena my summation of what all the discussion is about is living intentionally.
For me, mindful balance and living intentionally are synonymous.
The definition of “balance” isn’t a one-size-fits-all definition. Lives and needs are so different from person to person. Are you a mother, student, CEO, employee, artist, athlete, entrepreneur, or retired? Your priorities guide how you balance your life.
The sticking point here is whether you honor your priorities or not. Do you live intentionally? Do you set your direction and stick with that, or do you get pushed and pulled in many directions, thus moving you away from your intended direction?
“Direction” is intended to reflect the thing or things you want to do: you want to complete a work project with its associated tasks, or spend time with loved ones. Spending time taking care of yourself might be one of your directions; setting out on an educational path may be a direction you take, too. You can, in my way of thinking, have several directions — priorities — that you want to go and stay congruent with your intentions. You can do that if you stay mindful of your balance and live accordingly.
Living mindfully is becoming increasingly rare, in my observation. You are distracted by your long to-do list, the myriad demands on you, and your cell phone or tablet. You are so reactionary to the demands on your life and the impulses of your life that you forget about your intentions. Your will is getting weak as you try to do it all. Your “awareness muscle” is atrophying from lack of use.
You forgot about your awareness muscle, didn’t you?! In fact, you may not have ever been — excuse the pun — aware of it. It’s easy to forget about that muscle — to overlook it and under use it because it’s invisible. Out of sight, out of mind, as the adage goes.
That’s what coaches like me are good for, to remind you of the invisible; those things that are out of sight that can be useful to your in designing and creating the life you want.
Your intentions are good for living the life you want and accomplishing the things you need to accomplish to that end. Without living intentionally, though, your intentions are paving your path to nowhere. Intentions without follow-through are like a stationary bike: you peddle hard, even get out of breath sometimes, and you stay in the same place. Turn on the TV for a change of scenery if you are going to continue like that.
But, better yet, get off the “intention-stationary” bike and start living with awareness. Keep a mindful balance and live intentionally. That’s the life that takes you somewhere, where the scenery changes as you move through your life, and where things you want to finish are accomplished an new goals and projects are taken on.
How can you live with intentionality? How can you exercise that invisible awareness muscle?
Here is a system I use.
– Decide on your priorities, the big projects that will focus you this year. Keep in mind the four areas (health, wealth, work, and play) of your life that deserve attention for your projects. You can have only about three big projects in a year. Any more than that and you’ll not do any of them well, and probably not finish them.
– List the steps you need to take to accomplish your projects. These are the tasks you’ll do each day to further one or more of your projects. These steps keep you moving forward, focused on your goal, and balanced.
– Make daily decisions about what you are going to do toward your goal and projects. When a new opportunity comes along, test it against your priorities. If it is better than what you have already decided upon, which priority are you going to replace with the new opportunity. Remember, you can’t have more than three projects. Is the new opportunity so fabulous it’s worth giving up a goal to add the new opportunity? If so, make that conscious decision and incorporate the new goal into the remaining old goals. If not, say no and get back to your plan of action.
That is using your awareness muscle! That’s living intentionally and with mindful balance.
It’s easier to develop and maintain that muscle with the use of a project minder tool. Leaving this to your memory isn’t good enough for most of us. If you find other interests slipping in and stealing your time and attention, you have fallen off the path of intentional living. That becomes a reminder to use your tool to get back to using your awareness muscle.
I think a lot of the trick to setting projects you can live with is to understand what it you really want in life. Life is about making decisions. Just as you can’t please everyone, you can’t have everything — not all at one time, any way. You can have it all at the end of the game, but you have to be strategic with what you do along the way to succeed and be content. Intentionality is what allows that, what makes that possible.
Have you ever been on a diet and decided that, for example, the dessert options sounded or looked really good, so you broke your diet and ordered one? And it wasn’t as good as it looked? While that decision looked, on the surface, like you were being aware of your decision and intentional, it was really a moment of weakness. That’s what most people’s lives are like, it seems to me — ordering a dessert when you have banned them from your diet. That’s not mindful living in any way, shape or form. It might have been fun in the moment, but it was a fleeting fun. I’d rather plan my fun, and make room for it in a serendipitous way.
Let me share how I do that and keep my four buckets balanced when I have only three big projects on the table. One of my projects for the coming year is to walk El Camino de Santiago de Compostela — a month-long walk of about 800km (480 miles). I feel like a clever bunny with this goal. The steps, pun not intended, to accomplish this goal include getting in shape for walking with weight on my back all day, learning Spanish, figuring out what to take and how to pack it, and spending time with my travel companion (not my husband) to plan our trip. The getting in shape part includes weekly walks with friends — exercise and social time — and enjoying nature and finding adventures. The learning Spanish is educational and time with friends old and new/unknown. Figuring out what to take and how to pack it is an exercise in simplifying (another living intentionally characteristic) so that I have what I need and only what I need, and of course how to pack it in my rucksack so it’s comfortable. Time with my travel companion is an excuse for lots of fun and some brain exercising as we figure out which towns to stop in for the night, what kinds of lodging facilities to book (or to wing it and stop when we are ready and stay where there’s availability), how much money we’ll need, etc. This project takes from my health, wealth, and play buckets. I can even justify it’s part of my work bucket since lessons learned along the way can be shared with you and help me be better in my business.
There’s lots of value and serendipity designed into this goal. It’s become a game with me, adding to the pleasure and supporting the effort that goes into making the goal reachable.
I’m loving this particular project because it has given me the permission I seem to need to really work out, getting a variety of exercising in during the week. It has given me an excuse to socialize because it’s part of getting ready (oh, don’t get me wrong, I have many reasons and opportunities to socialize; it’s just that this one is in pure alignment with my goal). I love to learn — continuing education being one of my projects — so learning Spanish fits right in, killing two project-birds with una piedra. I’m living intentionally, with mindful balance, with this goal.
This is your life. You have your needs and dreams. Are you pursuing them actively with intention? Being mindful is how you are going to do that. Each time you decide to do something besides what you need to do to achieve your goal you are betraying and dishonoring yourself, postponing your dream, and getting stuck in your life.
Are you ready to learn to use that awareness muscle and live in mindful balance? Are you ready to make the hard choices by deciding what this year’s goals are and then pursing them with focus and discipline? That’s intentionality.