I’ve been talking in my articles and some videos lately about knowing your truth, speaking your truth. First, it was speaking your truth, and I had some people respond to that with, “But what if you don’t know what your truth is, what your feelings are?” And I’m equating truth and feelings for this video.
I’ve talked about why you want to know your feelings, and quickly I’ll summarize that it’s for better resilience, better emotional intelligence, and better decision making. But, if you don’t know your feelings, how do you get to know them? And why don’t you know your feelings? And I think that may be a more interesting place to start right now.
You may have learned to suppress them because you got into trouble if you expressed them, or maybe you got hurt when you expressed them. So just push them away and all as well. Not.
There are societal norms and rules about what’s appropriate to express. But you still have to know them, because I think that we express our feelings sometimes without knowing them — even without knowing them. So that’s when we create faux pas and get ourselves into trouble.
And the other reason we may not know our feelings is because we may not have the words for them, the nuances. Maybe you use the word angry for a wide range of emotions, or happy for a wide range of emotions. You can communicate with yourself and others better when you have those subtle nuances as words.
So, the three ways you can get to know your feelings are to become aware of the physical sensations you have. Emotions arise from those physical sensations. Your heartaches. What’s going on with your heart? Is it sad? Is it happy? And I use the word ache, but maybe what initially feels like an ache could be extreme joy. Until you explore it, you don’t really know.
The three body parts, I think of where our physical sensations arise are our brain, our heart, and our stomach — that in the pit of the stomach feeling. What word would we use for a brain physical sensation? I’ve had a buzzing in my brain when I’ve gotten a shock from somebody’s words or actions. So that would be an example of a physical sensation.
So, the second one is, as I become aware of the physical sensation in my head, my heart or my gut — sit with it. And if I don’t have a conscious awareness, but I realize something’s going on, it’s good to sit. Let that physical sensation make itself known. And then when it’s known, let the emotion that emanates from that physical sensation make itself known. Sit with it. An emotion passes in 90 seconds. Dr. Joan Rosenberg, a psychologist in Southern California, wrote the book 90 Seconds to the Life You Love. Great book. But she did really discover after a lot of research that those emotions are gone in 90 seconds. When you’re in the middle of it, it may seem like a long time, but in the big scheme of things, it’s really nothing. So, once you become aware of the emotion, integrate it with the physical sensation. Sit with it. Let the physical sensation and the emotion connect. Then find the words for it.
And one way to do that is to journal. And I mean writing. There is something magical about letting the sensation go to your brain for translation and come out your arm through your hand, through the pen or pencil you’re using, onto the paper you’re writing on. Typing’s not quite the same. I don’t know why. I just pass on what I’ve experienced and what I’ve learned. So, journal, and as you become more familiar with the words connected to the physical sensation, maybe find a trusted person to talk to and keep finding ways to express the emotions.
And the third way is to build your vocabulary. And there are two parts to this. One is being aware of the intensity of the emotion and the other is to have that vocabulary — you build the vocabulary. Are you annoyed? Impatient? Are you angry? Are you furious? Are you tickled? Are you happy? Are you ecstatic? It makes a difference. If you have the same word for that range of emotions, one, it mutes your ability to express yourself. It also hinders other people from understanding you. Journal, talk, share.
So why do you want to know your truth, know your feelings? So that you can become an integrated, whole, and resilient person. So that you can live the life you want with all the richness and joys that are yours, when you know what your truth is, what your feelings are.
The article, Knowing Your Truth — The How